I Died

She came to visit me at work again
It's like she comes for some kind of atonement
She looks at me and bites her lip
She has so much to say but so many secrets that keep her silent
I nod my head and walk on by into my office
My office, I can say that now and not feel like an impostor
She follows me in and sits down beside me
Meaningless words that I don't even remember
We lean in together and embrace
I can feel her tremble as she cradles my head

She is huge now
four or five months along at least
She swears that it is not my baby
She swears it and I dont believe her
I don't believe anything she says anymore
It's so sad, not long ago I would have followed her to hell
I would have believed anything she told me
She tells me it was a one night stand
She tells me that she cheated and its not my baby
She is so sure

I don't know what hurts more
That it really isn't my baby, that she did cheat
Or that it is my baby but she would rather it wasn't
I have been broken and blown away
I told her I am going to force a paternity test
I told her that if it was not my baby then she is just a whore
I told her that and then I went and cried alone
I told her that and then I went and died alone
I told her that and then I went and died